


Flurry

by arcanebf



Series: It's Just an Email [4]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Love Simon AU, M/M, Matteo POV, Music, Trans Male Character, emails this is just all emails here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 08:53:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18657130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcanebf/pseuds/arcanebf
Summary: FROM: cheesietoasted@gmail.comTO: maybeineternity@gmail.comAdam & Luigi email back and forth, sharing more and more about themselves.





	Flurry

**Author's Note:**

> me: i'm not going to update for a little while cause i have a lot of work to do  
> also me: writes to give myself relief from all the work i have to do

**FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 27 at 9:03

**SUBJECT:** Parties and Entanglement

 

_Adam,_

_I watched the movie. I get it now._

_I also found where you stole your pseudonym from so, there’s that. Thank you for sharing it with me, I feel like I know you better now?_

_The entanglement thing though, that… That really fucked me up lol. I can’t even begin to imagine being so closely linked with anything else. Adam and Eve had a really intense, kinda weird and beautiful thing going on. I didn’t really get it, but I think that’s because I always feel so alone, y’know? Like I’m the only one feeling these specific things, because of these specific circumstances. I’m out here in the middle of this big vast ocean and I’m trying to reach the surface but I have no one to help me up._

_I can’t imagine something or someone changing me like that, I don’t think I can be changed like that._

_You have to tell me why you like it so much though. I want to know more about why it’s important to_ you. _Who knows, maybe I’ll understand the whole entanglement thing better then._

_RE: The parties email - I do think I was drunk, but I stand by everything I said. I’m glad I didn’t scare you off, I was really scared that I might have. Dancing made me feel good, the talking with the guy felt better I think. There was something honest about the conversation, I don’t really like… I don’t know how to explain it. I think it just affected me differently. I’m glad you like talking to me, I can’t believe you like my babbling, I sound like a moron._

_And yeah, we can wait. I didn’t mean right away, just in the future. Maybe I can make you a good grilled cheese in the future. I don’t think I’d be ready to meet you just yet, I can barely make plans with my friends, this… This is something special. You’re special, Adam._

_This means a lot to me too._

_Best, Luigi_

_P.S. You definitely know it but this song reminded me of the entanglement thing:_ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAt2opBKt9M_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nAt2opBKt9M)

  


**FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 27 at 9:48

**SUBJECT:** RE: Parties & Entanglement

 

_Buongiorno Luigi :)_

_I didn’t actually think you’d watch it! Thank you for indulging me. I’m glad you enjoyed the movie, I don’t really know what else I was expecting. I’m floored, Luigi, floored that you enjoyed it and that you wanted to tell me your thoughts. Thank you._

_As for entanglement, I think… I can imagine being so closely linked to someone like that. I guess a lot of it depends on whether or not you believe in fate though, which takes a lot of free will out of things. I can imagine the link, but I don’t think I could have it. That might change, of course, life has a strange way of changing your point of view on things since I did believe in fate at one point._

_Is being alone so bad though?_

_I think I like it so much because there’s something about living that feels so different. I feel like Adam & Eve have experiences that relate closer to mine, just this othered feeling, not being able to fit into a specific mold. Having to hide yourself from the world around you for fear of what they might say or do, or even what you might become. I’ve worked hard to get to be the person I am and I want to keep that safe, just like they do. Selfishness manifests in purposefully pushing down, hurting others, doing things out of greed or envy or jealousy. I understand their self-preservation, because it’s not selfish to preserve yourself. _

_Don’t go telling me too much about this guy now, I might figure out who you are if you do._

_Luigi, I have a question for you: how did you know you were gay?_

_Best, Adam_

_P.S. Listened to the song, I definitely get that it’d remind you of entanglement._

_Try this out:_ [ _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nd4YHyReUHM_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nd4YHyReUHM)

  


**FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 27 at 11:02

**SUBJECT:** Lonely & Gay

 

_Hey Adam,_

_You don’t believe in fate? I feel like that’s one of those things were I’d just, I have too. I don’t know what I’d do if things weren’t meant to happen, they weren’t predetermined. Autonomy and free will are scary, especially because like… I’m me. I’m a jumbled, disastrous guy.. There has a to be a reason I’m fumbling cause otherwise I’m just doing this because I’m like this and that thought is absolutely terrifying._

_Being alone is terrible too. Being alone is wholly too much to deal with, like… It’s just you, afraid and standing and not knowing, against so much that’s around. I’ve got no one really, like it’s just me. My parents split and my dad moved back to Italy, my mom isn’t well enough right now for her to feel like I can be with her safely. So I’m just on my own._

_Okay, okay, I think I get that. That makes sense. You put a lot of work into becoming who you are and you want to make sure that the work you put in was worth it, right?_

_I’ve never thought of it like that, I feel selfish whenever I close off from my friends, but I just have too sometimes. They wouldn’t get it._

_Will stop talking about the boy so you don’t figure out who I am lol_

_How did I know I was gay? Oh, god, I think it was a lot of things? There were a lot of factors that played into it. I realized a year or two ago though, I was with.. Okay, I won’t use names but this is about a friend so hopefully you don’t figure out who I am. But I was with my best friend, we were hanging out and playing a video game I think and it just kinda hit me. Like I got hit by a bus and I just got up and left and started walking around and I think I was crying or something cause I was freaking out cause I realized that I had feelings for him, like really deep dumb pining._

_What about you, Adam? How’d you know?_

_Best, Luigi_

_P.S. Haven’t stopped listening to that song by the way._

  


**FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 27 at 11:46

**SUBJECT:** RE: Lonely & Gay

 

_Hey Luigi,_

_I’m really sorry that you feel so alone and scared, I hadn’t really thought about it like that. I tend to use being alone as a buffer, to hide myself from the world, y’know? You can’t get hurt if you’re always alone. I’m really sorry it’s just you, but I can promise you that you’re not alone though, it may just be like this but you have me. And I’ll always listen. Parents can be really difficult, I know mine were. Hopefully your mom will get better soon though, I really hope that for you. You deserve it._

_Oh god, unrequited love is intense and bad, that_ sucks _. I’m not great with curing a lovesick heart but I can offer a great distraction if you ever need._

_As for how I knew? It was a lot of little things, there’s a lot layered into my experience that made things difficult but I think I first really realized watching The Princess Bride? Don’t know what about it made it click in my head, but from there things really started tumbling. Falling into place, figuring out the little intricacies within my identity._

_Best, Adam_

_P.S. Give this a listen, another entanglement song_ <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pzo1ODMmymA>

 

**FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 27 at 12:31

**SUBJECT:** RE: Lonely & Gay

 

_Hi Adam,_

_Don’t worry about me too much, okay? I’m just here. I’m doing okay, right now at least. Talking with you is enough for me. My parents can do whatever they want and deal however they want. I’m going to just try and live my life, maybe soon things will get better for me, maybe I’ll be able to breathe again soon. Talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe :)_

_That’s really interesting honestly, I get the tumbling thing a lot._

_You’re really into movies, aren’t you? Tell me more about that please, I want to hear you talk about them. Or uh read that..._

_Movies are really hard for me to focus on usually, I really love video games cause the whole interactive thing, I really like being able to engage in the world, y’know? I even have a Nintendo emulator set up on my computer to play games, Zelda’s one of my favorites._

_Best, Luigi_

_P.S. Loved the song a whole lot._

_Watch this if you want btw:_ [ _https://youtu.be/Q-25c8Rsobw_ ](https://youtu.be/Q-25c8Rsobw)

_One of my favorite youtube videos :)_

  


**FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 29 at 15:03

**SUBJECT:** Video Games & Movies

 

_Hey Luigi,_

_Sorry I took a few days to reply, things got hectic. I don’t think I can help but worry about you, but I can try. Talking to you makes me feel like I can breathe too._

_I think I love movies cause all the behind the scenes work, like… The whole film making process is extremely collaborative. Of course the director is in charge, but a good director will consider, evaluate, and love and thrive in any decision their creative team makes. That’s what I think makes a good movie, there’s no auteur, it’s a group process. The actors don’t just follow the director, they understand the directors vision and bring everything they can to their parts. The cinematographer feels the same passion for the project and it’ll show in the different shots and framing, the way the light hits the set, the way the set looks… Everything about film is a carefully calculated art. In the end, there’s this piece that hundreds of people worked together on to create, doesn’t matter if their part was big or small, they all did it._

_It’s also an escape from what’s real and I like that too, sometimes you just need to sink into a world that’s not yours. Not drown in it, but sink in, kind of like falling into bed after a long day._

_You set up a Nintendo emulator???? That’s fucking sick, man. That’s so hard like, wow. That’s really cool, Luigi. You’re full of surprises, aren’t you? What’s your percentage in Zelda then if it’s one of your favorites?_

_Best, Adam_

_P.S. Glad you liked the song._

_That video is hilarious, I haven’t laughed that loud or genuinely in a long time._

  


**FROM:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**TO:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 29 at 17:34

**SUBJECT:** RE: Video Games & Movies

 

_Hey Adam,_

_Don’t worry, I’ve been studying the past couple days. Or like… Trying to study but my brain isn’t really processing the information._

_How’re you always so eloquent? Like, fuck, I don’t know that’s just beautiful. The way you write and the way you think about the world around you, I can barely stumble through a sentence, typed or said, and you just constantly… Wow._

_I never thought of film like that, I guess it’s cause there’s so many big names like “THIS DIRECTOR OOHH” but yeah, I can definitely see film being more… I don’t know, intimate, I guess? Yeah, I think intimate is the word. You’re such a cool guy, Adam. You’re so sincere and obviously care about things a lot and I think that’s really cool._

_Oh I guess? I don’t know, it took a little to set it up but it wasn’t that hard for me, I guess. Just came naturally. I’ve got 31% in Zelda currently, I’ve been wanting to play more but studying is… Taking up a lot. Or anxiety about studying is taking up a lot._

_Best, Luigi_

_P.S. Glad you liked the video :)_

  


**FROM:** maybeineternity@gmail.com

**TO:** cheesietoasted@gmail.com

**DATE:** March 29 at 18:03

**SUBJECT:** RE: Video Games & Movies

 

_Hey Luigi,_

_I’m sorry studying is making you feel so bad. When I feel overwhelmed I go on walks or ride my bike. Or I go on a run, or sometimes I dance, it depends on how bad I’m feeling. Focusing on being a physical being really helps, just do something to clear your head. The fresh air really helps. Maybe you could try that? Just to get out of your head a bit, it’s not a magic fix but it definitely helps. Y’know the drowning feeling we both have, right? Being outside makes all of that go away for a little while._

_Or hey, you like cooking, make your favorite meal to clear your head if you can’t get behind exercise._

_I wouldn’t say I’m any more eloquent than you are, maybe I just have more practice choosing my words carefully._

_Don’t sell yourself short, Luigi, that was a really complicated thing you did and you said it came easy to you? That’s amazing. Do you like doing stuff with computers and programming?_

_Best, Adam_

_P.S.<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vvZMygu99uE>_

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you all enjoyed it! i wanted to try out a section just with emails and honestly this was really hard to write cause it's just?? idk it made me really emotional. let me know what you think !! i love feedback !  
> tumblr is @filmictrans


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